Behind the Scenes: My own struggles with self-worth during Taurus Szn

I love how undeniably astrology tends to show up in my life.

With the Sun and Moon in Taurus (queen of luxury, finances, and self-worth) yesterday with a new moon AND partial solar eclipse, I've been deeply contemplating my relationship with how I value myself, my time, and my rest (not necessarily of my own accord, more so I had some universal life lessons thrown at me that weren't necessarily comfy or fun).

To give a little context, my word of the year for 2022 is REST. My intention was to learn more about the different kinds of rest, and how I can more regularly integrate them into my life.

Now, I've been in the coaching space for 8 years at this point. I KNOW how important rest is, and if you asked me I would swear up and down that YES I absolutely believe that I am worthy of rest, even if I haven't been productive, I'm not making money, etc.

But honestly, as soon as I had a slow few months in my business (paired with simultaneously having to pay self-employment taxes) I freaked, and started denying myself rest and downtime.

I went into majorly frantic overdrive/overwork/overdo mode, partly based out of needing to pay my bills, but a big part of it was subconsciously I was really feeling like I wasn't worthy of anything fun or any rest until 'some undetermined time in the future when I feel like it's ok' which is really just a nondescript way to keep me in a cycle of feeling shitty and exhausted.

And herein lies the problem. My inner critic is a fierce bitch a lot of the time, so unless I am consciously making the decision to rest and relax and play, she's going to continue to tell me that I'm not good enough for that yet. Not productive enough. Not making enough money. etc etc etc.

I'm not saying that I didn't have to do the work. I absofuckinglutely did (and continue to) have to get creative about bringing in more income from a variety of sources (because ya girl is calling in wealth and long-term stability). But to be honest? I slowwwed myself the fuck down by being so frantic and exhausted, which made it SO hard to get the work done and to find creative solutions.

And let me be 1000% perfectly clear. I'm extremely privileged to be in a position where I am not at risk of homelessness, I will not go hungry, and I don't have any children or dependants that I care for. I recognize that some folks out of necessity sometimes absolutely need to work continuously without a break, especially in this toxic capitalist society.

What I was experiencing moreso, was adding unhelpful anxiety on top of the existing pressure, because I felt like the anxiety was productive. (Spoiler, it's not).

So taking it back to the astrology and why this is always so damn spot on for me. Taurus wants us to really truly value ourselves by taking care of our physical and emotional selves (she is the self-care queen), but also by making sure we have our finances in order so we can support our care long-term. This babe is looking for sustainable care truly (so we can then support other people).

New Moons are all about renewal. Eclipses are all about shaking shit up and sudden changes. And believe me, these past few weeks were a huge fucking wake up call for me about how I take care of myself, and how I work. And more specifically, that I still have inner work to do to dismantle the belief that my worthiness is in any way tied to my productivity.

So, the rest of this Taurus season you'll find me going to bed on time, taking my mid-day breaks, re-employing my focus techniques so I can get my work done with less distraction and overwhelm, and diversifying my income streams inside and outside of my business, so I have the security I need to show up fully for my clients and future witch healers <3

Sending you all love, luxury, and self-care this Taurus season!