#Realtalk I’m still a little addicted to chaos

Low keyyyyyy i'm still a little addicted to chaos and adrenaline.

As a kid I had a lot of chaos around me and my stress response was often in overdrive (though I didn't know that everyone didn't feel that way 100% of the time until i was very much an adult).

And as an adult, I perpetuate these adrenaline kicks and stress cycles by over-scheduling myself, saying yes when I want to say no, worrying too much about what other people think of me, not asking for help, and generally fretting about every possible (read: not possible) outcome to every situation and interaction I encounter in order to "prepare" myself for each one.

Ok that last one is a bit of a trauma response, but it still contributes to my adrenaline hits.

What I'm trying to say is, kicking up my stress response in the past made me feel (what I thought was) prepared, worthy of love, and safe, so now when there is nothing to worry or stress about I ACTIVELY LOOK FOR OR CREATE SITUATIONS to be stressed about.

Therapy has helped with this. Working with my own coaches has absolutely helped with this. But it's also a daily practice for me to constantly reassure and remind myself that being calm is safe. That I am worthy of love even when I am relaxed. That is is not physically possible to prepare for 1000s of outcomes to a situation.

I've been using the affirmation "The more I relax, the more I receive." Give it a go if it feels aligned to you.

It's all a practice witch healer. Mindfulness and healing and magic and sex and business and everything else. We learn and grow on going forever, so don't get too caught up in needing to be 100% finished with any issue or emotion or block.